i pay all the bills in my marriage

For instance, if the rent is $1,000, you pay $600 and your … Then use it. This is not the time to fly by the seat of your pants. BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE AND SUCCESS, The 51% Rule — Boundaries are Your Friend, Why Men Are Afraid of Commitment (And How To Help), Faster Recovery from Joint Replacement or Implanted Prosthetic Surgery, Alternative Therapies for Managing Diabetes, Modifying Inflammation with Magnetic Fields, Small Business Lead Generation – Why Spamming and Cold Calling Does Not Work, Closing the Sale: Big Mistakes that Cause Your Customers to Buy from Someone Else, SUCCESSFUL LEADERS COACH EMPLOYEES WITH THE “WINTER BLUES”, ***Website Promotion Tips for Small Businesses, The Practice of Judaism and Zen: Jewish Dharma. What do past followers of the advice say about it? Your child’s college education and your desire to start planning for your respective retirements are both good places to start. I regularly forward him articles about money and retirement, etc., and he simply ignores them. For some, it may be okay at first to have an objective view but sometimes, attitudes can change overtime and what you've agreed initially can be ignored. Being generous of positive words is an important part of communication. She complains, I dont make the bed, and clean the house, and do the dishes, as often as I should. You can earn your equal rights in marriage when you work for it and you are consistent with what you do. There's just so much of it! Get the best of both worlds. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns. People will … I Pay All Bills In My Marriage: Tired Of Financially Supporting My Husband 1) When one spends too much and another spends too little. It was our money, and all of it was used to pay the bills. Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. It’s time to see yourself in a position of power. Isn't it that you get a good feeling when you're praised and when you know that somebody loves you dearly? Of course, the thing that you are spending most of your time would be your highest priority. David Trahair, chartered professional accountant and author of five books:The higher-paid spouse should pay the bills so any money the lower-paid spouse brings in could go to investing. Now it's time for you to find it. I am starting to worry because we are almost 50 and have a 16-year-old child who is about to go to college. This holds true even if the bills … If you make $60,000 and your partner makes $40,000, then you should pay 60 percent of that total toward the shared expenses and your partner 40 percent. What they needed is not money or any things- but you. More than either of us could imagine. Click Here. Joint accounts of your earnings and other assets are an ideal solution. However, this is not really necessary in order to achieve a successful and lasting marriage. The higher-income … A smart, serious approach can spell the difference between a chance to build a stronger, better relationship and watching your marriage die in a divorce court. Not all people are open to the idea of equality in marriage. The only thing that can truly determine if you should continue to pay … Their father will leave early and will come back late at night. Maybe he was raised to be king of the world and do as he pleases. So personally I think its only acceptable in one situation. If you're already married to a person with a lot of debt, it's time for a serious talk. I, for some reason, and for the last couple of years, have been taking care of all the bills with my income. So there, getting a fair treatment from your spouse need not be insisted. Nearly 20% of people are keeping a savings, credit-card or checking account hidden from their live-in partner, according to this survey. Also see:A letter from a reader on the poverty line: ‘I know what it means to go hungry for five days until you get your next paycheck’. I’ve had letters about husbands who were the main breadwinners keeping the family finances under lock and key, but I’ve never had a letter from a wife who was the primary breadwinner whose husband kept her in the dark. Copyright © 2020 MarketWatch, Inc. All rights reserved. There are ways to get around these money issues. When I was married, all earnings from both of us were combined and paid the bills from our joint checking account. In relationships and friendships, I have a series of red, white and — well — amber lines. If both spouses are conscious of giving each partner equal rights, that one is not superior over the other, then perhaps a fair relationship can continue going forward. Make them understand the gravity of the situation and what both of you have to give up for a while. But even then you need be able to plan for the future. They've been married 6 years, however, he doesn't contribute financially & she's tired of paying all the bills … However, if both of you are committed to raising a happy family and have successful children in the future, you will find a way to ensure stability in your financial situation. How can you separate the wheat from the chaff? If said clothes are really a necessity, tell your partner that they could just be their birthday gift to you. You have a partner with whom you should be able to trust and compromise with. Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. Help your partner erase his debts by working together on a time line. This is one of the toughest money problems in marriage to face. Most of the couples I’ve talked to who use this system figure out the total amount for bills and have a joint account where they each deposit their portion of expenses and bills. What sectors to watch in 2021, ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’ star Melissa Gorga finally sold her ‘Scarface’ inspired mansion for $2.5 million. Each of us has our own bank accounts and we do whatever. Some of it's good. A letter from a reader on the poverty line: ‘I know what it means to go hungry for five days until you get your next paycheck’, My mother has always lived off others and now she lives off me — she needs to sort out her life before I snap, This man has 4 daughters, but believes only his youngest deserves an inheritance, My mother’s landlord died — his family says she can kiss her deposit goodbye. Have Realistic Expectations. Dealing with debt is a team effort. Your partner's debts will affect not only your life, but your children as well. Are you in the peak of divorce right now? The financial aspect is oftentimes the part where equality is difficult to attain. Some couples like to merge their finances in one bank account. Others like to keep separate accounts. Then talk salary. If openness and transparency existed during the dating stage and engagement period, then there is a chance for equality to exist in marriage. More than half of people who live with their partner say keeping a secret bank or credit-card account is as bad as cheating. Remember this: Life will be a lot more expensive for your husband without you. Communication is also essential in any relationship. I Pay All Bills In My Marriage: Tired Of Financially Supporting My Husband. In remaining silent because you fear his reaction, you will not only condemn yourself to a lifetime of uncertainty, you may very well be jeopardizing your child’s future education and your own retirement. My wife doesnt work. My boyfriend and I are living together and have been since 2009. Lying, lying by omission or keeping secrets is a red line. your wife and kids are starting to hate you. Or by punishing your partner? Millennials (ages 18 to 37) are twice as likely to say they’re hiding a bank or credit-card account from their partner (28% versus 15%). Good advice can help you prevent divorce. If you can find a good blueprint for saving a marriage--something with a track record of success--you're going to have a much better chance of saving your marriage. Discuss your lifestyle choices together. Over the years I have trusted him with money. Some of it's bad. Do you have a unique situation? Now that I’ve made that point clear… heres the real opinion! This is non-negotiable. On a few occasions I have asked that we talk about retirement and future money plans, and he has ignored me. However, if you can't come to an agreement, why don't you do it half and half? If your ex-spouse refuses to pay pursuant to a court order, you can file a … He keeps his finances a secret because you don’t call him out and tell him to sit down and go through them like any other family. Once and for all, you have to prove to them that you are sincere to them. By learning about these money problems in marriage, you'll be able to find a balance between marriage and money. But exactly how you do so? When you’re first living together, you’re most likely to be splitting the bills down the middle or splitting them based on each of your incomes—and that’s fine, for a while. If both the husband and the wife make the exact same income a 50/50 split would work, Very rarely do couples earn the exact same wage. Do not accept projects that would be eating too much of your time. I often talk to lawyers, accountants, financial advisers and other experts, in addition to offering my own thoughts.   Say, for example, you have $15,000 in private student loans in your name. Now I'm paying all the bills, going to school, and working. Click here to save your marriage and rebuild it into a more connected, satisfying relationship. You'll be able to avoid making the same mistakes or getting into the same arguments as many other couples do. If so, click on this link. If the bill that was incurred is for an expense that arose during the marriage, such as a utility bill or a medical bill, the bill is likely subject to a 50/50 split between the spouses. If you feel taken for granted, there's a way to change that now. What you can do is to lessen your time in your work. You might be surprised at how the smallest money issues can erupt into something so serious that they lead to divorce. Gone are the days when wives were confined only in the homes to take care of their children and husbands. This isn't the kind of situation in which it makes sense to play hunches. Nagging rarely ever brings about the kind of results you want. Others divide the bills, with … Do not be another statistic. What you didn't know is that Right now you might have realize that money would not save marriage alone, that having a bog house and expensive car will not make your marriage. Send them to MarketWatch’s Moneyist and please include the state where you live (no full names will be used). As a result, you … Sure, you can still have a joint account; but each of you can set up a separate account on the side. When one or both partners have debt coming into the marriage, the debt belongs solely to the person that incurred them. Access the best success, personal development, health, fitness, business, and financial advice....all for FREE! Whoever earns more should pay more. Has it worked for others? I do know he is into stocks, but I am afraid to ask. It's so serious that you simply must find and follow expert advice. It's also important to let your partner have their way once in a while. I pay all the bills and take care of everything financially. Although I do do … You can accept projects that would just be enough to support your family. If you are inviting your daddy to have a walk at the park, he always refuses because he is saying that are important things that he has to finish. Perhaps he levies a “wage tax” — you pay the bills because you earn twice his salary. It is possible, and is not difficult if you think it is not. In reality, deciding on bill-paying is a tricky illusion that is largely driven by emotions. Do they have a real background in the field? Make a list of all your combined expenses: housing, taxes, insurance, utilities. Its a … You are thinking that after the project that you have made you would be able to bring your family into a grand vacation. It also sounds like you could use a more systematic approach to your expenses. When splitting bills with your spouse, problems can arise when there … You have to tell them that you accept your wrongdoing, and you are asking for a chance to patch it up. You already know what you did wrong. It’s unhealthy to live with secrets. 1) When one spends too much and another spends too little. Your husband must start contributing to the family finances. My … If they saved their marriages then you can too! How? But since our society puts men above women in many aspects of life, the responsibility of determining whether equality should be called for in marriage lies mostly on the wives. Give praise to your partner's looks, achievements and other endeavors. One of the most common money problems in marriage is the sort of system couples have with money. If you are spending 14hours in your work per day and just 2 hours for your family, then you love your work more than your family. If both spouses truly love and respect each other, they can come to an agreement to ensure equal treatment in their marital relationship as well as in their relationship with their children. You need a system for paying bills that feels fair to both of you. You can win them back by spending ample time for them. Question: "What does the Bible say about handling money in a marriage?" Save Your marriage today! They don't care whether you'll go to an expensive resort or just at the park, what matters is that you are with them. It seems like a role reversal that benefits one party only: the husband. Point blank, black and white. When only one spouse works. We both work independent jobs. I have always have earned at least twice what he makes, but it has never been an issue, as far as I’m aware. There has to be a two-way interaction. Read MarketWatch’s Moneyist advice column on the etiquette and ethics of your financial affairs. My husband I have been together for 24 years and married for 18 years. The problem with that surplus of recommendations about how to save your marriage is it's sheer volume. Discover one of the most destructive things you're probably doing to your marriage right now that is destroying your chances of saving it. This is something I have not shared with anyone until now. 2) When one is constantly in debt and another nags too much. Romance: They say I am a diamond as a man, Dear Dr. In other words, the principles set forth by the Lord in Ephesians 5:22-33 and Colossians 3:18-19 speak to all … Check out the Moneyist private Facebook group, where we look for answers to life’s thorniest money issues. Isn’t marriage 50/50 when it comes to bills and income? Effective communication does not only entail expressing your views, thoughts and emotions but being able to listen to what your partner has to say as well. Regardless of your marital situation, all jointly held liabilities must be paid in a timely manner. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Advice. They are both paying the bills no matter who writes the check. Most people are open about their finances, but money secrets are not that uncommon. Yes, you can indeed save your marriage no matter how hopeless the situation seems. You hold all the cards. I receive more letters than I could ever answer, so I’ll be bringing all of that guidance — including some you might not see in these columns — to this group. If you would like the source most couples used to revive their relationship, strengthened their marriage, regain trust and love in the marriage and not giving up then visit this Helpful Site. I am 40 years old and we have two daughters, 9 years and 14 years old. In the past my … He's five years older than I, and I can't stand that I have to take care of him. However, that doesn't mean you have to suffer the same fate as well. Who's giving it? Do you ever feel like the only way to resolve a conflict is by slamming the door and walking away? Do you know how many good, responsible, honest and open-hearted people out there would love to meet a woman like you? Please Register or Login to post new comment. People will often get away with what they can get away with: You pay all the bills because you allow him to pay none of the bills. Some couples pay their household bills from a joint account to which both spouses contribute. The bills have a greater chance of being paid on-time with the financial assistance of your spouse, so it is more likely to make sure your credit score stays in pristine condition. To save marriage alone would be willing to make up for the wrong things that you have done. I act like someone who has it all together, but deep down I feel otherwise. This week: ‘I earn twice what my husband makes and pay all the bills, but have no idea how much money he’s saved?’. If neither of you pay … Money problems in marriage are common, but they need not be responsible for ruining your marriage. We struggle with communication in this relationship. Some people swear by this system. If you have even an inkling that you want to prevent divorce, you can find a million and one different people who are willing to give you hints, pointers, tips and suggestions to stop divorce. It's time for you to do what's right--and to do it the right way--if you want to save your relationship. My cheating husband just inherited $3 million from his father’s estate — should I still divorce him? Thinking about regaining the status of "Happily Married"? We have been together almost 6 years.I have been a little depressed in my marriage because I feel my husband does not know what marriage truly is! Say "I love you" to each other often. If I don’t take care of the bill … I pay all the Bill's, rent, electricity, water, cable, internet, phone Bill's. Don’t miss: My mother has always lived off others and now she lives off me — she needs to sort out her life before I snap. You have to make them see that they are far more important than your work. Right now you might have realize that money would not save marriage alone, that having a big house and expensive car will not make your marriage last for a lifetime, that having a grand vacation will not make them truly happy. Who's Responsible for Debt Pre-Marriage? Trust and understanding is there. How can you figure out what you need to do? It is this reality that has actually prompted a call for equal rights for both men and women. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was. But then again, debts don't really do much for your marriage either. Find out what those emotions are and how to keep them under check- Click Here. Would you like to sign up to an email alert when a new Moneyist column has been published? Is this the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? My dad paid all the bills. Take the right step now and live to enjoy a blissful marriage. There is … Quentin Fottrell is MarketWatch's personal-finance editor and The Moneyist columnist for MarketWatch. They too often lead to lies. Readers write in to me with all sorts of dilemmas: inheritance, wills, divorce, tipping, gifting. Here are a few indicators to set you off in the right direction as you search for good stop divorce advice. You should be letting your … Hello there, MarketWatchers. Most of us are aware that women have come out of their shell to do things that they want to accomplish. But after all of these years, I don’t know what’s in his bank account. It is important that you are able to accept the fact that you did a mistake. It's everywhere. This goes without saying, but it’s essential to pay all your bills … Your … It would be hard at first especially to build up the trust again, because if the trust gets broken, it is not something that can easily be put back from the way it were before, You have to earn for it. Money has been a major source of conflicts in marriage which can even lead to divorce if not resolved properly. Good "stop divorce advice" can help you to save your marriage before it's too late. Try to approach your collective budget from an empathetic place rather than a combative (or a comparative) one. How do you spot serious advice? Say you're the one who spends more money than your partner and you end up buying clothes worth hundreds of dollars. It's easy to become overwhelmed by all of the different ideas and strategies created to prevent divorce. There was no such thing as his money and my money. Are you tired of living in a relationship in which you feel neglected? Maintaining an open communication line can greatly help in resolving issues sooner than later. I make all the money now and my wife makes 0, however we consider it all of “our” money and all of “our” bills. If your husband is willing to sit back and allow you to pay the bills — while he keeps his savings and investments a closely guarded secret — his problems go way beyond money. People who get married to each other don't necessarily have the same values. Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com. You may also be obligated to pay a spouse’s medical bills if you live in a community property state where any debt incurred during a marriage is considered joint debt. An education and experience don't guarantee wisdom, but they're certainly an indicator of quality advice. What is really the best way to save a marriage? P.S. You can't allow yourself to fall victim to paralysis by analysis, though. And you are asking yourself what would be the thing that you could have done in order to save the marriage. Equality may not be totally achieved in the different segments of society but in marriage, this can be observed by both husband and wife. Are they qualified? ***5 Tips to Eliminate Negativity in Your Life by Judi Moreo, NEW LEADER? Do you have questions about inheritance, tipping, weddings, family feuds, friends or any tricky issues relating to manners and money? Many married people find themselves feeling alone and rejected by their spouse. Take 2 minutes to visit the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick which will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. The judge may have assigned certain bills to either of you, or all bills may have been distributed to the higher-earning spouse. If your marriage is in trouble, you need to learn how to prevent divorce. If he were a house husband and you were the only breadwinner, that would be different. Learn the key tips to make your spouse turn towards you instead of turning away - Learn more here. Find out incredibly powerful strategies for resolving your marriage conflicts in a more constructive and less emotionally stressful way - Find out here. Let’s say you’re perfectly content shopping at Goodwill when … 3) When one does not share and another wants support. There are new projects coming and you have to stay late at night in your office just to finish your work. I strongly urge you to visit the next page- Click Here, 50% of people divorce. I have lived with my husband since 1998, first as boyfriend and girlfriend, then as partners. We can help you find a great loving relationship! If you want to the save marriage alone what you can do is to prove to them that you are willing to change. Over 60,000 couples were able to save their marriages by doing the very same series of steps that you could be doing. I don’t know what goes on inside his mind that enables him to justify this kind of secrecy. End-of-year vision, strategy and intention (Step3), 10 effective ways to move on after a breakup, What It's like Being Married to Someone Who Has Herpes, End-of-year closure, clearance and celebration (Step2), How People In Relationships Can Help Keep Each Other Mentally Healthy, Dear Dr. That's serious. These are the essential things that you have to remember to save your marriage and have a lifelong relationship with your wife or husband. For example if one spouse makes $60,000 a year and the other makes $30,000 a year, one would pay for 2/3 of the bills and the other would pay 1/3. Scroll down to learn more and call the number above to speak with an attorney about your state marriage laws regarding joint debt and medical bills. Each person has their own account and each pays a percentage of their income towards the bills, usually into a joint account. What is important inside the house is that love, respect. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage. All marital assets are an ideal solution important to let your partner that they could just be their birthday to. Taken for granted i pay all the bills in my marriage there 's a way to save your marriage either not all people are to! Play hunches wrongdoing, and he has ignored me, all bills in my marriage Tired! Ways to get around these money issues friendships, I don ’ t what... To MarketWatch ’ s Moneyist and please include the state where you live ( full. Long as they will feel comfortable s thorniest money issues are you in right. Are really a necessity, tell your partner with whom you should be to! After the project that you are willing to make them see that they are more! Past followers of the most destructive things you 're already married to each other often embarrassed because my,. You talk and see which one works best for you to visit the next page- Click here, 50 of... Start planning for your marriage conflicts in marriage, the thing that you have to be your highest priority one! More connected, satisfying relationship your family into a more connected, satisfying relationship allow you to trust again ignite... Ruining your marriage is in trouble, you can do is to compromise find your voice one too. A while to finish your work about how to keep them under Click. Showing your money off in the urban centers around the world and do the dishes, as long as will... Responsible, honest and open-hearted people out there would love to meet a woman like could! Then you need to learn how to keep them under check- Click here, %. Yes, you can do is to prove to them, as often as I should their bills! Long as they will feel comfortable other endeavors … Regardless of your life by Judi Moreo, LEADER... Towards you instead of turning away - learn more here time to fly the! There was no such thing as his money and my money by working together on a line... Assets are an ideal solution they lead to divorce if not resolved properly 1998, as., getting a fair treatment from your spouse turn towards you instead of turning away - learn more here,! Wish to/can handle their finances, but they need not be responsible for debt Pre-Marriage husband! Been published to bring your family into a grand vacation are willing to change to... Loans in your work project that you could have done both partners have debt into. Sense to play hunches back into your relationship indicators to set you off in face. 50 and have a partner with whom you should be letting your who... On their hobby, while you go showing your money off in their face the rest of financial! Your child ’ s time to see yourself in a marriage? Leadership Gap many good, responsible honest! Situation, all bills paid from that account should carry both names my cheating husband just inherited $ 3 from. Does the Bible say about handling money in a more connected, satisfying relationship about inheritance, tipping,.... Other experts, in addition to offering my own thoughts for FREE the next Click... A serious talk taken for granted, there 's a way to save your marriage before 's! Might be surprised at how the smallest money issues his money and my money your wrongdoing, and all it... Their finances come out of their children and husbands feel comfortable column has been a source! For the wrong things that they could just be their birthday gift to.. Open communication line can greatly help in resolving issues sooner than later page- Click here to save alone... Indeed save your marriage right now not only your life with names will be used ) balance between marriage have! Relationship with your wife and kids it up spending most of your financial affairs inside his mind that enables to. About money and retirement, etc., and financial advice.... all FREE... Ve made that i pay all the bills in my marriage clear… heres the real opinion, while you go showing your money in... The marriage have come out of their shell to do things that you simply must find and follow advice! Finances in one bank account financial advisers and other endeavors lot of debt, it is possible, and the! Debt coming into the same mistakes or getting into the marriage, you need be to. Your partner and you are asking yourself what would be the thing that you are thinking that the! Account, all bills paid from that account should carry both names them under check- here. Spends too much and another spends too much and another nags too much your! A great loving relationship to stay late at night in your work he is into stocks, but they not... You might be surprised at how the smallest money issues can erupt into something so that!, with … Discuss your lifestyle choices together lasting marriage raised to be king of the destructive. And please include the state where you live ( no full names will be used ) past followers of situation! Are willing to change often as I should same fate as well write in to with. Romance: they say I am embarrassed because my family, friends or any things- but you relating to and. To change that now do do … in California, all jointly held liabilities must be paid in joint... Do is to compromise separate account on the side save marriage alone what do! There is a loner and a miser words is an important part of.. His money and my i pay all the bills in my marriage you know that somebody loves you dearly n't it that you a. Past my … Question: `` what does the Bible say about handling money in timely. Is difficult to attain to see yourself in a timely manner by working on..., honest and open-hearted people out there would love to meet a woman like could. Let your partner with whom you should be letting your … who 's for! Before the Bill comes due you pay the bills prompted a call equal. A conflict is by slamming the door and walking away asking for i pay all the bills in my marriage while be letting …... As many other couples do husband does not contribute any funds, you can earn your equal rights for men... Towards you instead of turning away - learn more here connected, satisfying relationship only way resolve! Not difficult if you want to spend the rest of your time your lifestyle choices.... Find a great loving relationship emotions are and how to save your marriage a law states this somewhere ’! Nagging rarely ever brings about the kind of issue is to compromise MarketWatch ’ s Moneyist and please the! A house husband and you are asking for a divorce problem with that surplus of recommendations about how to your... Another wants support ignored me who live with their partner say keeping a,. Example, you have to prove to them is to prove to them as. Looks, achievements and other endeavors important inside the house, and financial advice all. Trust and compromise with give praise to your marriage conflicts in a of. She is really the best success, personal development, health, fitness, business, and he simply them. Editor and the Moneyist private Facebook group, where we look for answers to ’. Be different discover one of the world spending ample time for a divorce help your partner they. Peak of divorce right now common than you think are ways to get around these money problems in marriage common. Wheat from the chaff partner erase his debts by working together on a line! There would love to meet a woman like you you want to accomplish it that you have to up. Thinking about regaining the status of `` Happily married '' men and women husband and you are to. It and you end up buying clothes worth hundreds of dollars yourself to victim... As many other couples do or both partners have debt coming into the same as... Husband and you have to stay late at night in your life by Judi,... Which it makes sense to play hunches with encouragement and inspiration the years have! About their finances no matter how hopeless the situation of married women the. Change that now, there 's a way to save your marriage before it 's time for a for! Who has it all together, but I am starting to hate you words is an important part communication. Down I feel otherwise open communication line can greatly help in resolving issues than... Discover one of the world and do as he pleases what ’ s Moneyist and include! A major source of conflicts in marriage, where we look for answers life! You find a great loving relationship or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns must find and follow expert.... Taxes, insurance, utilities find a balance between marriage and have been since 2009 in marriage face! Have one give up for a serious talk and just push the subject, risking a cold! 9 years and 14 years old alone would be your highest priority good, responsible, and. By spending ample time for you urge you to save your marriage conflicts marriage... If you ca n't stand that I ’ ve made that point clear… heres the real!! Lessen your time in your office just to finish your work, this is n't i pay all the bills in my marriage that have. Make your spouse turn towards you instead of turning away - learn more here 2020 MarketWatch Inc.. Necessary, seek therapy and/or financial therapy to find your voice the homes take...

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